How to Talk to Your Parents About Their Funeral Wishes (Without It Being Awkward)

Most Australian families put this conversation off until a crisis forces it. By then, decisions get made in a hurry, often by people who are grieving and unsure what their parent wanted.

Starting early is a kindness to everyone. Here is how to begin.

Why the conversation matters

It removes guesswork for the people who have to decide during grief.
It reduces the chance of disagreement between siblings.
It gives your parents the dignity of being heard while they can still speak.

Pick the moment, not the crisis

Good openings are ordinary ones: after a friend’s funeral, when a parent updates their will, while sorting old photos, or around a birthday or retirement. Avoid raising it during a family argument or straight after a hospital scare.

Conversation starters that work

“I went to a funeral last week and it made me think. Have you ever thought about what you’d want?”
“I’d hate to get it wrong one day. Could you tell me what matters to you?”
“I’ve written down my own wishes. Would you like to look at them together?”

Going first with your own wishes often makes it easier for a parent to open up.

What to ask, one small piece at a time

Burial or cremation, and any preferred funeral director
Music, readings and the kind of service (formal, casual, a celebration of life)
Who should be told, and who should speak
Where important documents are kept, and who the executor is
Anything they definitely do not want

You do not need every answer in one sitting. Several short chats are gentler than one big one.

If they change the subject

Some parents will deflect. Do not push. Say you are happy to come back to it, and try again in a few weeks. Respect that some people prefer to write their wishes down privately rather than discuss them.

Write it down and keep it findable

Spoken wishes are easily forgotten or remembered differently. Record them in one place the family can access. Funeral wishes are generally not legally binding the way a will is, so also make sure the will, enduring power of attorney and advance care planning are up to date. See funeral wishes versus your will and our documents checklist.

Capture their story too

Wishes tell your family what to do. Stories tell them who someone was. Ask about their childhood, work and favourite memories while you can: how to write a life story.

Lifebook Memories gives families one secure place for wishes, stories and important details, shared with the people you choose.

General information only, not legal advice. Speak to a solicitor about wills and powers of attorney in your state or territory.

Before publishing

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